Fetid Moppet Premium 100% Cotton Bucket Hat - White

🍼 Classified | Surface-Level Innocence

“Fetid Moppet.”

Introducing the 100% Cotton Fetid Moppet Bucket Hat — a stitched transmission disguised as a summer essential. Embroidered directly into the crown (yes, embroidered), the phrase is a quiet anomaly, passed off as whimsy. Those who know… know.

Crafted from breathable 100% cotton twill, this hat is engineered for outdoor recalibrations, low-sun exposure, and controlled joy eruptions. The sewn eyelets ensure emotional diffusion, while the embroidered design remains permanently affixed — undeterred by heat, doubt, or oversight.

Ideal for sanctioned beach strolls, ORTBO excursions, and moments where blending in requires a bit of sartorial ambiguity.

 

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Product Features

• Embroidered design — stitched directly into the fabric, not printed

• 100% cotton twill — breathable, durable, and subtle in texture

• One size fits most — no metrics disclosed

• Sewn eyelets — optimized for thermoregulation during mild panic

• Crown height: 3 ¾″ — ideal for standard noggin data retention

• Brim width: 2 ¼″ — appropriate for light shielding or nodding in solemn agreement

 

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Care Instructions

• Spot-clean with warm water and dish soap

• Do not bleach or iron the embroidery — it already says what it needs to

• Store out of reach of unauthorized moppets